sure sure

i am officially obsessed with changing my surname. night and day i run through possibilities in my mind. it's awful, but a good sleep tonic. before kleo was born i had put together all the paperwork. i had picked a suitable name. so i thought. but i wimped out. 

i don't really want the name i thought i wanted any more.

i still have his name and i really don't know why. i don't know why i can't just choose any old name.  

any old name i feels better that what i currently have attached to myself.

maybe i could be (first name) any old name.

i honestly can't stop thinking about this and i have decided that i will file the paperwork on my birthday, which is just right around the corner. so close, i can smell dinner cooking.

i say this now. i have said as much for the past fifteen years.

tea time. sleep. be well.